THE SELF-ABANDONMENT WHEEL

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PERFECTIONISMPEOPLE-PLEASINGNUMBINGWITHDRAWALPOURINGCONTROLSELF-ABANDONMENT

THE SELF-ABANDONMENT
WHEEL

Six patterns of behavior and their lies.

Every self-abandonment behavior runs on one specific lie.

PERFECTIONISMPEOPLE-PLEASINGNUMBINGWITHDRAWALPOURINGCONTROLSELF-ABANDONMENT

Swipe to learn the one yours tells you.

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Perfectionism

PERFECTIONISMPEOPLE-PLEASINGNUMBINGWITHDRAWALPOURINGCONTROLBEPERFECTEARNAPPROVALOVER-WORKING,OVER-PREPARING, CHASINGFLAWLESSNESS TO FEEL WORTHYSELF-ABANDONMENT
Self-critical perfectionism is a significant predictor of burnout.

The lie: Relief comes when this perfectionism project is completed.

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People-Pleasing

PERFECTIONISMPEOPLE-PLEASINGNUMBINGWITHDRAWALPOURINGCONTROLKEEP THEPEACESTAYLIKEABLEAVOIDING CONFLICT, SAYINGYES TO KEEP HARMONY,SUPPRESSING NEEDSSELF-ABANDONMENT
People-pleasing is significantly associated with lower mental well-being.

The lie: Saying no is hard and I'll create tension with people.

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Numbing

PERFECTIONISMPEOPLE-PLEASINGNUMBINGWITHDRAWALPOURINGCONTROLTUNEOUTSTAYBUSYSCROLLING, DRINKING,OR OVER-DOINGTO AVOID FEELINGSELF-ABANDONMENT
Emotional numbing predicts greater PTSD severity and functional impairment.

The lie: You'll deal with it later.

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Withdrawal

PERFECTIONISMPEOPLE-PLEASINGNUMBINGWITHDRAWALPOURINGCONTROLSHUTDOWNDISAPPEARGOING QUIET,DETACHING, OR ISOLATINGTO AVOID DISAPPOINTMENTSELF-ABANDONMENT
Loneliness is associated with elevated cortisol across multiple time scales.

The lie: People disappoint me anyway so I'll avoid it.

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Pouring

PERFECTIONISMPEOPLE-PLEASINGNUMBINGWITHDRAWALPOURINGCONTROLEARNLOVEPROVEGOODNESSFIXING, RESCUING, OROVER-EXTENDING TO FEELLIKE A GOOD PERSONSELF-ABANDONMENT
Compassion fatigue is prevalent among helping professionals who over-extend.

The lie: If I over give, people will love me.

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Control

PERFECTIONISMPEOPLE-PLEASINGNUMBINGWITHDRAWALPOURINGCONTROLCONTROLEVERYTHINGSTAY INCHARGEMICROMANAGING, OVER-PLANNING, CONTROLLINGOUTCOMES TO FEEL SAFESELF-ABANDONMENT
Intolerance of uncertainty is a transdiagnostic driver of anxiety.

The lie: I can relax when everything is done.

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A lie doesn't stop working because you noticed it. It stops working when you prove it wrong.

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IG CAPTION & SOURCES

The Self-Abandonment Wheel: 6 patterns that run on a lie.

Every flavor of self-abandonment, from perfectionism to people-pleasing, starts with a story you tell yourself. And every story has the same structure: a promise that relief is coming, if you just keep going.

The research is clear:

Perfectionism: Self-critical perfectionism is a significant predictor of burnout. (PMID 26231736)

People-Pleasing: People-pleasing is significantly associated with lower mental well-being. (PMID 40312075)

Numbing: Emotional numbing predicts greater PTSD severity and functional impairment. (PMID 36586605)

Withdrawal: Loneliness is associated with elevated cortisol across multiple time scales. (PMID 19744794)

Pouring: Compassion fatigue is prevalent among helping professionals who over-extend. (PMID 31829113)

Control: Intolerance of uncertainty is a transdiagnostic driver of anxiety. (PMID 33299402)

A lie doesn't stop working because you noticed it. It stops working when you prove it wrong.

Which one is yours?

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